My first STD was from a foam party
I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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