i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
