Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
