Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
