Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
