I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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