Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
