Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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