Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Randomize
