Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
