I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
