I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
