I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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