You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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