on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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