There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This house was built for laser tag.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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