I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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