All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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