You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
