I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
