i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
