Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
