I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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