nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
sex in a hospital.. check
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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