Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
