its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
