none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
