I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
