i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
