in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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