Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
