It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
