Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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