used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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