So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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