I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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