I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
