dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
