The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
