i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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