there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
