I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
