we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We're too hungover to prance.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
