i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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