just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
