Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
