So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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