I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
