I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
