Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
