Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
