His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
