remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
